When Nichole (Cuppageek) described this tea as “something to behold” in her round-up review of favorites , I knew I had to get on board.
Therefore, when I found this in my packet of samples, I got right on it!
This tea has a rich mineral leather/earth taste. It’s a far cry from my usual sweet teas; this is more of a dudely beef jerky/UFC fighter type of vibe. I daresay it’s MEATY.
In fact, the very first thing I thought upon sipping this was “the manly side of the gym.”
(Sure, you can feel free to say “everyone uses all parts of the gym!” … But when you saw the phrase “the manly side of the gym” you knew EXACTLY what I meant.)
The side with the weights. And the benches. And the anguished grunting. And the veins that are on top of the muscles instead of inside them. (How does that even happen? Do they get, like, evicted from the inside because there’s just too much bro-meat in there?)
The other side is the girls on the cardio machines gallivanting around like gazelles with their ombré ponytails swinging in tandem.
I go to a “no judgement! no critics!” gym (you know the chain). Despite its “everyone is welcome!” attitude, the dude-side is still intimidating.
I crept over to the weights area just this morning, in fact. I lifted some wimpy dumbbells a few times, trying to give the behemoth redhead behind me full access to the mirror to check on his form. I then whisked away, giving all of the powerhouses around me wide berth.
My goals aren’t huge. I just want to be able to carry all the groceries up the stairs in one trip instead of two. I would rather DIE than go back for another load. If I can just beef up enough to consolidate that trip, I’d be good.
(I’d also like to be able to ascend hills without shrieking about my impending death — but one thing at a time.)
If you, like me, are intimidated by the Dude Side of the Gym, try this tea. See how you feel about it. If you like it, you can dip your toe into manliness in real life. I recommend starting with the five-pounders and working your way up.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Oolong
Where to Buy: Wendigo Tea
Description
All arise for I am King Dragon, an ancient and illustrious oolong tea. I smell of exquisite honey, leather, orchids, and wet stone. My taste is of ripe peaches, earth, and smoke with a smooth lingering sweetness.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Alishan JinXuan Oolong Tea from Fong Mong Tea. . . . .
Descriptions for tea plantations are like works of art, describing misty cloud-covered mountains where finicky plants flourish. The words evoke vintage Chinese brush paintings where ascending mountains disappear into mist shrouds.
This tea has a delicate flavor, a little bit vegetal, a little bit flowery, a little bit creamy. Soft and gentle. If you want a kick-you-in-the-face morning brew, this isn’t it. But if you want a gentle sunny-day accompaniment (now THERE’s a hard word to spell) this could be your new go-to.
Why might that be? Let’s read:
“Jin-Xuan is a special variety of Camellia Sinesis (tea plant) developed through research at Taiwan Tea Agricultural Research Center. This special variety is known for producing an Oolong with a special fragrance and a very light creaminess.”
I love the idea of scientists in lab coats fiddling around with tea. I know they fiddle around with, for example, Doritos, but the idea of them getting all science-y about that perfect sip is a delight. We, as humans, are going to conquer nature, dammit. Including tea.
You did a lovely job with this, Taiwanese tea nerds. “Lovely” is, I think, the most accurate term for this tea. It is a pleasant little delight, and I am keeping this sample.
I don’t keep all samples. I typically pass them along to friends or my Sisters.
But not this one. It’s mine until sipdown. All mine.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Oolong
Where to Buy: Fong Mong Tea
Description
The hand-plucked leaves of Alishan Jin Xuan Oolong Tea are grown in the famous Ali Mountains (Alishan) in Taiwan. At the elevation of 1000 meters above, the mountainsides are covered with fog or clouds which are ideal for growing Oolong. With better drought tolerance, also higher yield, the price is usually lower than Alishan Oolong. Jin-Xuan is a special variety of Camellia Sinesis (tea plant) developed through research at Taiwan Tea Agricultural Research Center. This special variety is known for producing an Oolong with a special fragrance and a very light creaminess. Alishan Jin Xuan Oolong brings one of the great locations for growing Oolong tea together with one of the special Oolong varieties.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Natural Cacao Tea from Micacao. . . . .
The site for this tea describes cacao as a “superfood” — a fact that almost every woman on Earth innately knows. (Am I right?)
The touted health benefits of this tea include kicking caffeine addiction, weight loss, and boosting mood.
Like I care about any of that.
I just want to drink chocolate.
This is a tasty brew, sweet with a tiny smoky tinge. It has a lot of the impact of eating chocolate, with few (if any) of the calories.
Would I rather be shoveling pure candy bars into my face? Obviously. But this tea does, to a degree, help with the chocolate urge.
I was reading an article about the inevitability of food regret. If you’re trying to eat right and you eat junk food, you regret that. If eat an apple instead of a candy bar, you don’t enjoy the apple as much (regret). The crux of the article was that either way, you’re going to be slightly unhappy with your choice — so you might as well make the right choice.
In this instance, the right choice was this tea. I recommend trying it. Maybe with a little bit of sugar or honey. But I’m drinking it straight, because that’s the responsible food choice. It works that way, too.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Herbal
Where to Buy: Micacao
Description
Herbal chocolate tea made from the shell of the cacao bean. Cacao Tea is 100% cocoa based. It is completely natural, preservative free, and without any artificial flavors or starches. Sugar-free. Organic. Gluten-Free. Vegan-friendly.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Mocha Nut Mate from Adagio Teas. . . .
This is tea’s answer to coffee!
If you like that full, diner coffee feel, but maybe don’t like those jitters, give this maté a try. Maté isn’t a “tea” as such; it’s a different type of plant (also caffeinated). It affects people to varying degrees, so you might want to try this in the morning so it won’t affect your sleep.
The flavor is a little bit of a bitter zing, with a nutty body, and a slight whisp of chocolate. Mate works on me very much, so I am definitely INVOLVED IN MY DAY at this point. Listening to podcasts*, talkin’ tea, and making designs 100%.
* Where IS Richard Simmons? The podcast about his abrupt disappearance is really interesting. His past and connection to the public is REALLY COMPELLING. Everyone he knows is a CHARACTER — as is he, obviously. I am chomping these developments down like peanut butter cups. Which I will obviously have to then dance off to the oldies.
This tea reminds me of Denny’s somehow. Like when you and your friends are out preposterously late and there’s literally nowhere else to go. So you wander out to Denny’s because it’s open and 1 AM. And of course, because you’re a little stupid and/or drunk, you order yourself COFFEE. Which sounds delicious, until it’s 4 AM, your friends are gone, and you can’t sleep. So you listen to the Backstreet Boys until the sun rises, eat breakfast in the dorm basement’s middle-of-the-road dining commons, and then sleep the rest of the day.
I speak from experience here. I an a connoisseur of late-night 24-hour establishments. Our Denny’s was the best one. It was by far the most beautiful one I’ve ever been to, and the staff was friendly, regardless of the hour or busyness. Note that I said “was” — even though it was one of the most popular places in my town, it somehow lost its license or something (???) and is gone.
I’ll just have to fill in with this tea.
I’m not sure how I’ll fill the hole in my heart left by Richard Simmons, though. Maybe a different tea. I’ll let you know if I figure it out.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Mate
Where to Buy: Adagio Teas
Description
The mellow chicory-like character of our Brazilian toasted mate is a perfect platform for a favorite indulgence: chocolate! Add a bit of hazelnut and you have the perfect treat. Great straight up or enhanced with cream and sugar. If you’re a fan of chocolate mate teas, we invite you to give this formula a try. Please note that all Mate varieties contains caffeine; we would not suggest it as a nightcap.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Organic Energy Chai from Hampstead Tea. . . .
“Organic Energy Chai” by Hampstead Tea was originally “BIOCHAI” (all caps). The original bag (which I am sampling here) touted the ingredient “biodynamic black tea leaves.”
They’ve since changed their branding to a more delicate branding scheme that involves a white background and no more claims of things being “biodynamic.” Which is sort of a relief, because when I see “BIOCHAI” or “biodynamic,” I ironically don’t think of something being biological at all. I think about things that are biologically enhanced, like a Terminator/Borg situation. Like this tea got taken over by nanobots.
This delicate, sweet tea doesn’t seem like it’s going to “harness your inner energy and bring the diva out in you!” I actually find this to be more soothing than HYPE. It’s just a tasty blend that is helping nudge me into wakefulness on this cloudy Monday.
Speaking of which, I definitely have “a case of the Mondays” today. I went to the gym, but all of my usual companions slept through it, which was lonely. So I watched YouTube videos of people painting while walking slowly on an incline on the treadmill. It was the saddest workout you’ve ever seen.
Which is not to say my workouts are usually zesty, but at least if people I know are there, I half-ass it instead of no-ass it.
This lackadaisical attitude toward fitness means I am the slowest, pant-iest drag on the group’s speed of all time.
This is why I am the group’s Resident Black Tea Drinker. It’s the only thing that will nudge me into the next gear. I’d just rather be drinking tea than hustling.
I’m sure you gals understand.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Hampstead Tea
Description
Chai comes from India where Darjeeling Black Tea is blended with exotic herbs and spices to make luxurious,aromatic drink. Let it harnessIngredients:Black Tea, Ginger, Lemongrass, Peppercorns, Cardamom seeds and Cloves
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!