Has the phrase “heavy pungent nectar quality” ever crossed your tea bucket list?
It wasn’t on mine, either; but now that I’ve tried this tea, you might want to add it to yours.
This tea tastes like flowers and honey. (And “heavy pungent nectar.”) It also supposedly tastes like “sweet potato,” which I’m not really getting, but I am not a nuanced person. I just get the big brushstrokes.
If you’ve ever wondered what being a honeybee was like, this tea is your answer. You’re flitting between flower and hive here, getting your job done in sweet, sugary, natural beauty. The sun dapples the prairie of bobbing flora. The wind rustles your fur. You are getting your job done.
Just like in the real world, you’re getting your job done, because black tea is naturally caffeinated. Thank goodness, right?
Instead of a digression about myself, today we’re going to get two digressions: one about the area this is from and one about bee hair. You should hang in with me on this. I’ve found out a lot.
THE TEA’S REGION:
This tea comes from China’s Guangdong Province, also known as Canton. You know, the place where “Cantonese” (the dialect) comes from. In the 1800s, an opium war occurred there.
Currently, it’s a huge commercial center, mostly because it has the port closest to Hong Kong. This province touts the highest GDP and population in China.
Only 7% of the population (SEVEN) claims to be religious, which, here in America, sounds crazy. And maybe a little amazing.
They have several soccer (European football) teams, a futsal (like soccer, but smaller, and indoors) team, plus basketball, baseball, and volleyball.
BEE HAIR:
Bee hair looks like mammal fur, but it’s totally different. It’s made of chitlin, instead of the mammilian keratin. It comes straight out of the exoskeleton.
It has different uses, but mostly it’s a pollen-gathering tool. Bees don’t have backpacks. They use their hair instead. Bee hair has a branched-out structure that enables it to sweep up pollen like a broom. The hair also generates a lot of static electricity, like socked feet on carpet, which sucks pollen in like a vacuum.
The fuzzy bumblebee uses its hair for heat regulation (like mammals), but scientists don’t think that bees rely on that like mammals do.
Finally, the bright, patterned color of bee hair serves as a warning:
Don’t screw with bees. Don’t eat them.
Just drink this tea instead.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Yunnan Sourcing
Description
This tea is no longer available but the 2017 version is. Click below for more information.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Black Raven Tea from Eastern Shore Tea Company. . . .
Goths, unite! I was wearing this dress today.. . . .so of course, destiny called for me to try the corresponding tea.
Here’s the description from Eastern Shore Tea’s site:
“Inspired by Edgar Allan Poe, this luscious blackcurrant tea blend is a Polished Paean of Praise to the mysterious romanticism and darkly poetic imagery of one of America’s first and still foremost authors of spellbinding tales.”
This tea is rich and juicy and moody. It steeps a really dark brown. There’s a shocking amount of flavor, depth, and opacity in it.
It’s kind of like those poems I used to write. DEEP AND DARK, MAN. INCOMPREHENSIBLE. BEYOND THE SCOPE OF YOUR MIND.
Were you ever a teenage goth? If not, let me tell you: it was exhausting.
On a day-to-day basis, it was fine.
The issue was that it had to be maintained. You couldn’t just pull on a jean-plus-tee-plus-sneakers look. At least two of the three elements of that had to be black. If you wore something without enough black, you had to wear a bunch of moody makeup to counterbalance it.
If you run black clothes through the wash, they start to fade. Then they turn into brown-blacks, blue-blacks, etc, and you have to be careful you don’t wear clashing blacks together. So you wind up doing your laundry BY HAND to keep the blacks fresh. (My mom wouldn’t let me fabric-dye my clothes back to their witching-hour glory. Not in HER washer.)
And then if you liked something counter to your persona (say, if you were a Backstreet Boys fan) (oh yes, this was me), you had to lie. Otherwise: universal derision, from fellow black-wearers and normies alike.
Nowadays, kids have it easy. Being a geek is cool. You can absolutely be into Edgar Allen Poe, and sci-fi, and boy bands, and dogs, and the color purple, and combat boots — all at once. You can dress however you want, all the time. You can even be OPENLY GAY in HIGH SCHOOL nowadays. (Even in some of the red states!) You can just pick out your interests and march forth into the sunshine.
This was not the case when I was a kid. It was a Mean Girls clique horror-show, you guys. You had to pick your clique and stick to its rules.
This tea would have gone with my high school persona. But it also goes with my adult persona, because adult me just does what she wants. For better or worse. For dumpster or dumpster fire. I’m staying true.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black Tea
Where to Buy: Eastern Shore Tea
Description
A blackcurrant blend, darkly delicious, in honor of Edgar Allan Poe’s spell-binding tales and haunting imagery. Flavored black tea. Contains caffeine. 3 oz. loose tea with re-usable tea bag.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Jin Jun Mei from Verdant Tea aka Super Starling enjoys steamed buns!
I have a confession to make.
I purchased this tea because Verdant told me it tasted like “steamed buns.” I laughed at the phrase “steamed buns,” and then I laughed some more.
Steamed.
Buns.
It hasn’t gotten any less funny. It’s still really, really good.
And yeah, this tea totally tastes like bread! It’s smoky and malty and a bit sweet. I detect maybe some butter/vanilla in there, around the edges. It’s so heavy and thick it’s almost broth-like. Even before I drink it down, it just SMELLS really good. It feels like it should have calories.
It’s not the sexiest thing in the world — it’s a classic staple.
It’s like a guy who’s got a little bit of Dad Bod going on. (I have actually written “Dad Bod” on my sample bag.) This tea is Mr Right, not Mr Right Now.
And no Mr Right would be complete without… STEAMED BUNS.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Verdant Tea
Description
Jin Jun Mei Wuyi black tea is one of the most labor intensive and demanding teas to produce. The picking window is very small and the skill required so high, that every experienced farmer in the Xingcun region works together to pick Jin Jun Mei buds for each other over the first weeks of spring. Li Xiangxi’s spring-fed tea grows out of rocky, sandy soil, yielding a rich mineral flavor true to Wuyishan’s unique terroir.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Mediterranean Grey from Balcony Teas. . . . .
Mediterranean Grey by Balcony Teas, is a variation on the Earl Grey theme that includes orange blossom and calendula petals. This gives it a sweetness that feels pastel to me. It’s springy! It’s joyous!
If you do a Google Image Search for “Pride and Prejudice picnic,” that’s the exact aesthetic I’d give this tea.
If I were naming this, I’d name it Cute Grey.
(This is why I don’t get to name anything.)
(I am permitted no responsibility in almost any aspect of my life.)
(Why is there a term for “man-child” but no corresponding “woman-child”?Women can be JUST as ill-suited to adulthood as men. #feminism)
If you love that bergamot, but there are days when it feels a little too SERIOUS, come romp with me in the land of Cute Grey. You will not regret it!
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Balcony Teas
Description
We love this version of traditional Earl Grey with a Mediterranean twist. We have blended light and refreshing Ceylon black tea with zesty bergamot oil, fragrant orange blossom and sunny calendula petals.
Ingredients:
Black Tea – Finest Ceylon black tea to set off this blend perfectly. Orange Blossom – Deliciously fragrant with delicate floral honeyed aroma. Calendula Petals – A beautiful splash of sunshine yellow. Bergamot Flavour – The best quality Bergamot, a distinctively zesty citrus fruit of which the oil is used to flavour this tea, is grown in the Mediterranean.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Mi Lan Black Tea from Verdant Tea. . . .
The description for this tea included the phrase “orchid candy,” whatever that means. You may be wondering: Is that a thing? Can that really be purchased somewhere?
No.
It cannot.
You may purchase a floral variety of said name; you may acquire a dish in that shape; you may order regular candy in an orchid color scheme.
This tea was, like Luke Skywalker, my only hope.
And oh yes, it delivered! This tea tastes like orchid and sweetness. A swig of caramel.
Also a bit of rascally zing at the base.
This is a family of pastors with that one kid who gets into trouble at school — but non-criminal prankster stuff. And the parents say things like, “Little Joey gets his drivers license this week. Time to put his guardian angel’s flight speed to the test, AM I RIGHT?”
Like in Seventh Heaven when no matter what trouble the kids got into, sweetness was the name of the game, and a lesson was always learned.
So if you want to try a black tea that’s very floral and soft, check this one out. Your angel will thank you for the moment you spend drinking it instead of pursuing trouble.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Verdant Tea
Description
Huang Ruiguang’s family Mi Lan Dancong is picked only once a year from single trees that are not pruned back to encourage deeper roots & more robust flavor, year after year. His mountain plot and decades of work in improving agriculture techniques for the region have earned Huang Ruiguang’s Mi Lan awards such as the recent 2015 Gold Medal at the Sixth Guangdong Tea Expo. This Mi Lan is allowed to naturally oxidize for over 24 hours before being carefully spread, baked and tumbled. The oxidation creates a deep rich black tea flavor, but Mi Lan varietal’s natural juicy floral honey flavor still comes through strong.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!