My first thought about this brew was “WHO DIED?!”
As you’re steeping, your cup’s contents very swiftly become a really disturbing dark red/black/maroon color.
Which is, of course, SO fitting for an Edgar Allan Poe blend. You’re launched headfirst into a vat of the macabre. If someone asked you what you were drinking, you could deadpan “the blood of my enemies.” IT WOULD LOOK LIKE YOU WERE RIGHT.
The flavor is tart, earthy, smoky, and rich rich rich (yes, I typed it thrice). It’s a blend of black and pu’erh with bergamot and beetroot. I couldn’t pick up any of the bergamot in my spoonful, but such is the Luck of the Flavored Tea Lotto.
I think that the smoky lapsang is the star of the show. If you want to go into a smoking parlor to torment yourself over your writing, this is the perfect thing. You can sip it between smashings on your keyboard or dips into your ink.
This isn’t a good tea for writing on your computer, unfortunately. If I were really a Method Writer, I would have written this out longhand with a dip pen. Then scanned it. And posted it as a series of .jpegs. Part of me wants to transcribe this RIGHT NOW. It’s NOT TOO LATE
Except I’m lazy, and plus, this is easier for you to read and enjoy anyway.
~Eternally yours in gothiness,
Super Starling!
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Simpson and Vail
Description
This dark, earthy blend evokes the damp tombs of Poe’s stories. While it is perhaps the most well known, The Cask of Amontillado is not Poe’s only story in which his fear of being buried alive becomes a major plot point. His vivid descriptions of “utter darkness among a quantity of loose earth” that “threaten[ed] to bury [him] entirely” offered a direction for our blend. It combines the earthy tones of Puerh black with the mellow smokiness of Lapsang and the slightest citrus hint of an Earl Grey. The dried beetroot turns the brewed tea a deep blood red.
Ingredients: Black teas, puerh tea, lapsang souchong tea, beetroot and bergamot oil.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Presidential Peach from Impeach Teas. . . .
When I saw the title “Impeach Teas,” I was like “is this some kind of movement to impeach the Donald?”
It does not appear that the proceeds are used in that way, though they do appear to be fairly woke. They donate some proceeds to charity; the canisters are recycled; part of their process involves “an off-grid energy-independent green mill.”
First things first: this is a beautiful mix. It looks like fireworks. It has red white and blue accents (flower petals).
This is a really juicy peach Ceylon tea. I made it iced, because HELLO? SUMMERTIME. It has a very sunny feel. The peach is crisp and a little bit tart. I’m also catching notes of what might be pineapple/mango/coconut, though none of those things are listed in the ingredients. I think that, because I drink so many of those flavors iced, my mind smashes some of the flavors together.
My only wish, with regards to this tea, is that I’d had it to drink on the 4th of July. U-S-A! U-S-A!
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Impeach Teas
Description
Our Presidential Peach blend features an incredible Ceylon Black Tea base, finely complimented with juicy-sweet all-natural peachy goodness. A perfect companion to your summer vibes when served over ice or serve it hot as a delicious and relaxing treat.
Ingredients: Ceylon Black Tea, Red Safflower Petals, Calendula Petals, Blue Cornflower Petals, All Natural Flavor.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Feng Huang Wuyi Black from Verdant Tea. . . .
Need a pick-me-up when you’ve spent the afternoon scanning and filing papers?
Because I do.
I imagine that your struggles are different, but you identify on some level.
Today I went in for Feng Huang Wuyi Black by Verdant Tea — a new tea with caffeine. Gotta call in those reserves.
The dry leaves are really long and twisty and dark. You know how the Death Eaters in Harry Potter fly around, leaving those long trails behind them? They look like that. I literally looked at the twists and thought “THE DARK LORD HAS RISEN.”
Would the Death Eaters drink this? I think they might, because it’s a pure leaf (no add-ins). And you know how they love purity. (All villains post-WWII have shades of Nazism, which is a bit tedious because there are so many other different types of evil to explore in addition to totalitarian eugenics. Anyway, that’s probably a subject for a much longer think-piece and not a tea review. So I’ll stop here on that trail.)
But it’s an interesting pure tea. Lots of flavor is packed in there. This tea has a mineral zest low note, a creamy mid-note, and a sort of raisin high-note.
According to Verdant’s site, the mineral note is supposed to be the lightest of notes, and berries are supposed to be up at the top; but I’m not getting that when I drink that black.
I worried that my tongue might be dead from years of exposure to my grandmother’s cooking. (SICK BURN.)
So I tried it with a little bit of vanilla almond milk and AHA. BERRY IS IN THERE. Sometimes you need the temperature to drop and a little bit of cream to whisk sweetness onto the tongue.
I prefer this tea with the almond milk and the lighter flavor, which isn’t something I’d normally say.
I think that without the milk, it’s your average Death Eater. With the milk, it’s Dolores Umbridge.
Yikes. Choose your path carefully.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Verdant Tea
Description
Feng Huang Black comes from transplanted Fenghuang Dancong from Guangdong established in the mountainous rocky slopes of Wuyi. As in Guangdong, these plants are cultivated as single bush trees instead of hedges. The result is a beautifully elegant expression of the bright, fruity, complex and sweet flavor of Fenghuang Dancong with the deep mineral notes of Wuyi. Black Tea Xiao Zhong style processing tempers the naturally tropical fruit of Dancong and pushes it towards blackberry. Because this tea is grown as single bushes and picked only once a year, the annual yield for the Li Family is very small. We are lucky to share this small batch from the Li Family’s tea gardens
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
3-In-1 Milk Tea from Gold Kili. . . . . .
I have finally found the Holy Grail of Lazy Tea People:
Matcha for black tea.
This Instant 3-in-1 Milk Tea is black tea (type unspecified) with sugar and milk added. It’s all ground up, pre-steeped (I imagine?), dried, and ready to go. You just rip open the packet and dump it in a mug.
If I were to hazard a guess, I’d say this is probably some kind of English Breakfast tea. It’s probably more like tea-bag stock than loose-leaf stock, though I can’t say that definitively.
I mostly can’t tell because it already has the sugar and cream in there.
And it’s a BUNCH of sugar and cream.
Like, way more than I’d ever use on my own. I drink my teas straight, maybe with a splash of vanilla almond milk if I think it should be sweeter. This is candy-like. It’s absurdly sweet. When I made it, it’s a very pastel brown. Not a light amber (transparent), but thick and opaque.
I’m not going to lie: this is delicious. It’s almost like a tea version of a hot chocolate, or a tea-latte. Or those “Thai iced teas” that have the condensed milk in there.
They’re 70 calories each. It doesn’t sound like much. However, two cups is as much as a can of Coca-Cola. One cup is THREE Weight Watchers SmartPoints. (I just plugged it into the calculator & added it to the database. You’re welcome, fellow WW sisters.)
I like this a lot, but think that, like Cookie Monster and his cookies, this tea is a “sometimes treat.”
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Gold Kili
Description
Made using specially selected premium grade tea leaves, creamer and with the finest cane sugar, this blend has a distinctive full flavor and aroma. It is both convenient and simple to make, a definite choice for discerning tea lovers.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!
Aso Black from Mellow Monk. . . . .
This tea is “a black tea made with leaves from the same green-tea cultivars used to make traditional sencha,” which gives it a distinct flavor. I’d compare its flavor to oolong teas, which typically straddle the black-green divide.
It does have that mossy, nutty flavor that I associate with green tea, but a base like an evergreen forest in the spring. It’s vegetal, yet rich at the same time.
It’s the tea equivalent of Loki’s outfit.
*Smolder*, am I right?
And that’s how I feel about this tea. It’s kind of subversive, like Loki. “I took a green tea and I made it black! HAH! So there, Odin! I don’t CARE that I’m adopted!”
Except that, like Loki, when I drink this, I know it’s not really a black tea. Little things give away its true nature. Just like we knew, deep down, that Loki was too magic and otherworldly to be a part of that family.
You should try this tea. It’s a tricky, delightful limbo.
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black
Where to Buy: Mellow Monk
Description
Aso Black™ is a special presence in the world of tea — a black tea made with leaves from the same green-tea cultivars used to make traditional sencha. The flavor is brisk and clean, with a green-tea-like sweetness and a smoky, nutty taste, finishing with overtones of nutmeg. If you like, say, English breakfast tea, you will be positively enchanted by this tea. So order up some scones and brew up a pot of Crimson Grove™.
Learn even more about this tea and tea company here!