-Please be warned: There is profanity in this review. Thanks!-
The tea brand Modest Mix is not for the delicate of spirit. Their company’s tagline is “We’re f*cking awesome.” Their teas are named things like “Wake the F*ck Up,” “Sorry To Hear You’re Such A P*ssy,” “Dumbass,” and, my favorite: “Lemon and Mint Just Banged In Your Mouth.”
The censorship stars are just there for your delicate eyes. They aren’t on Modest Mix’s site. I’m going to stop using them shortly, because they’re a hassle to type, so if you need to, go find some pearls to clutch. Because we’re going in.
Modest Mix’s About Us site portion says “Yes, we swear a lot. Yes, we’re sorta rude. But that doesn’t take anything away from our love of tea.”
Did they just describe my entire personality? Yes. Yes they did.
I picked this tea first out of my samples box it was hilarious and I was tired. I’m less tired now. You know why? Because this tea is, true to its name, waking me the fuck up. The specific description for this tea is “Get your sexy ass energized, cause you’re a fucking winner. GO
FUCKING WIN! High fucking five.” Yeah. I’m starting to get there. My day is beginning to accelerate.
This tea is a deep, rich Assam/English Breakfast with some root flavoring and spices. If Notorious B.I.G. were a tea, he’d be this one. It’s low and big and rich and smooth. This tea works on a deeper, behind-the-scenes level. It’s not a sugar rush. It’s like when you’re listening to a rap song you’ve heard a million times and realize that one of the rhymes is clever on another level you hadn’t noticed before. There’s more to this tea, underneath.
If you do decide you’d like to try this tea, here are the instructions: 1. SHAKE BAG TO MIX SHIT UP. 2. BOIL WATER. (If you have to get all specific, heat to 208 °F – 212 °F) 3. USE 1 SCOOP (3G) TEA PER 6 OZ WATER. 4. STEEP FOR 3-8 MINUTES IN A MUSLIN TEA BAG (PROVIDED), OR USE A FRENCH PRESS (which is the best in our un-humble opinion). 5. DRINK. 6. WAKE THE
FUCK UP. Delicious!
Here’s the scoop!
Leaf Type: Black Tea
Where to Buy: ModestMix
This tea doesn’t appear to be on the site anymore but click below to see which ones are.